What to Say on a Coffee Chat (And How to Get One)

TL;DR

A coffee chat is a 20-30 minute informal conversation with someone who works at a company or in a role you're interested in.
The goal is information and relationship, not a job offer. Asking for a job directly will end the conversation and probably the relationship.
You can get one by asking clearly and making it easy to say yes. Most people will say yes to a short, specific request.
Come prepared with real questions about their career path, the team, and what they look for in new hires.
Follow up after. And if the timing is right, asking about the referral process is appropriate and not awkward if you've had a real conversation.

A coffee chat is a 20-30 minute conversation with someone who works at a company you're interested in or has a career path you want to understand better. It's informal. It's not an interview. The agenda is your questions, not theirs.

Most candidates either don't know how to get one or don't know what to do once they're in one. The candidates who get this right have an advantage that's hard to replicate through applications alone: a real human connection at the company before the interview ever starts.

This article covers the full process from initial outreach through follow-up, including what to ask and what to avoid.

Why Coffee Chats Work

The job search is mostly impersonal. Resumes go into applicant tracking systems. Recruiters screen on keywords. Most applications are never reviewed by a human who knows anything about you.

A coffee chat changes that. When you talk to an engineer or manager at a company before applying, a few things shift:

Your name is familiar when it comes up in a referral. A colleague saying "I chatted with someone last week who seemed sharp, here's their resume" is a different kind of entry than a blind application.

You learn things that help you interview better. What does the team actually care about? What projects are they working on? What frustrates them about their current tooling? This is all useful context in a technical or behavioral interview.

You find out things that might change whether you apply. Maybe the team is going through a reorg. Maybe the role is different from what the job posting suggested. Learning that before you spend weeks in a process is genuinely valuable.

None of this requires the conversation to end with a job. A good coffee chat is useful even if nothing comes of it professionally for months.

How to Ask: The Request

The message asking for a coffee chat needs to do three things: explain who you are, make the ask specific and small, and make it easy to say yes.

Most people will say yes to a 20-minute conversation if you ask clearly and don't make it feel like a bigger commitment than it is. Most people will ignore a vague message that doesn't make it clear what you want.

Here's a template that works:

Hi [Name],

I'm a [recent CS grad / bootcamp grad / early career engineer] currently looking for my first software engineering role, with a focus on [backend / frontend / full-stack]. I came across your profile while researching [Company Name] and was really interested in your path, particularly [something specific about their background or their company].

I know you're busy, so I'll keep this short: I'd love to ask you a few questions about what it's like to work on your team and what you look for in junior engineers. Would you be up for a 20-minute call sometime in the next few weeks?

Thanks for considering it.

[Your name]

A few things to note.

Specific is better than flattering. "I found your path really interesting" is weaker than "I noticed you moved from a QA background into engineering at a startup, which is similar to where I'm coming from." The second version signals you actually looked at their profile and thought about why you're reaching out to them specifically.

The ask is small and concrete. "20-minute call sometime in the next few weeks" is a low-commitment request. "Would you be open to connecting?" is vague. "I'd love to meet for coffee and talk about your career and any advice you have" is too large an ask from a stranger.

Don't ask for a job. Not in this message. Not in the first conversation. This is the single most common mistake and it kills the relationship before it starts. You're asking for their time and perspective. That's it.

Where to find people to reach out to. LinkedIn is the primary channel. Search for engineers at companies you're interested in, especially those who are 2-5 years into their career (more accessible than senior engineers) or who have a background similar to yours (career changers, bootcamp grads, non-traditional paths). Alumni networks are also a strong source. Someone who went to your school or bootcamp has an existing reason to feel connected to you.

For more on how to approach the outreach process systematically, the guide to reaching out to engineers has more detail on finding the right people and managing volume without burning out.

Before the Call

Prepare. This is not a casual conversation where you show up and see what happens. You're asking for someone's time. Showing up unprepared is disrespectful of that.

Do your homework on the person and the company. Read a few of their LinkedIn posts or articles if they've written any. Look at the company's engineering blog. Know roughly what the company does and what the engineering team focuses on.

Write down 4-5 questions. Not a script, but actual prepared questions that you genuinely want answered. This prevents you from going blank when the call starts and ensures you get useful information.

Have your short professional summary ready. At some point they'll ask "so tell me about yourself." You need a 30-60 second version of where you are and what you're looking for. Practice it so it sounds like a real sentence and not a performance.

What to Talk About: The Conversation

The conversation has a rough arc: their background, the team and company, what they look for in candidates, and then closing.

Their career path. Start here. People generally like talking about their own career and it gives you useful context for everything else. "How did you end up in this role?" and "What has your path looked like since you joined?" are natural openers. Listen carefully. This is research.

What the team is actually like. Not the recruiting-brochure version. "What's the day-to-day like for engineers at your level?" and "What does a typical sprint look like for your team?" get closer to reality. "What do you wish you'd known before joining?" is often the most useful question you can ask.

Current projects and challenges. "What's the team focused on right now?" is relevant both because it's genuinely interesting and because it gives you things to reference if you end up interviewing. Don't treat this as intelligence gathering in a clinical way. Be genuinely curious.

What they look for in junior engineers. This is the question most candidates are scared to ask because it makes the job search angle explicit. Ask it anyway. "What does your team look for when you're hiring engineers at the junior level?" is a completely natural question in this context. The answer is often very useful.

Their honest take on the company. "What do you like most about working there?" is fine. "What's been most challenging or surprising since you joined?" is more useful. People are generally honest in informal settings in ways they aren't in recruiting materials.

What NOT to Do

Don't ask for a job directly. "If you have any openings, I'd love to be considered" or "Could you pass my resume to your manager?" at the end of a coffee chat is presumptuous and puts the person in an awkward position. If the conversation has gone well, the referral will come naturally. Pushing for it explicitly early is counterproductive.

Don't make it an interview. They're not evaluating you for a role. Don't be performative or try too hard to impress. Be a genuine person having a conversation.

Don't overstay the time. You asked for 20-30 minutes. Keep track of the time. Around the 25-minute mark, give them an out: "I know I said 20-30 minutes and we're getting close. I have a few more questions if you have time, or I'm happy to wrap up here." They'll often say to keep going. But you gave them the option.

Don't ramble when they ask you about yourself. Thirty to sixty seconds maximum. Practice it.

Don't send a LinkedIn connection request immediately after. Wait until after the follow-up email. Connection requests in the middle of an active exchange feel transactional.

Following Up

Send a follow-up email within 24 hours. Keep it short.

Reference one specific thing from the conversation, thank them for their time, and if applicable, let them know you're planning to apply.

Hi [Name],

Really appreciated your time today. The point you made about [specific thing they said] actually changed how I'm thinking about [whatever it was]. I'll definitely look into [something they recommended].

I'm planning to apply for the [Role Name] position. If there's anything you'd find useful to see from me before I submit (a portfolio link, anything like that), just let me know. And if not, I'll move forward through the standard application process.

Thanks again.

[Your name]

The last paragraph is important. You're not asking for a referral. You're making it easy for them to offer one if they want to. Most candidates who've had a real conversation and demonstrated genuine interest will find the person either mentions the referral process themselves or says "yeah, apply and let me know when you do."

How to Convert a Coffee Chat into a Referral

A referral is not something you ask for. It's something that happens naturally when two things are true: you've had a genuinely good conversation, and you're a plausible candidate for a role they know about.

When you let them know you're planning to apply (in the follow-up email or at the end of the call), you've given them the information they need to refer you if they want to. Many will respond with "go ahead and send me your resume and I'll pass it along" or "apply through the official process and send me the link so I can flag your application internally."

If they don't offer and you've had multiple exchanges or a strong conversation, it's okay to ask once, directly and simply: "Would you be comfortable putting in a referral if I apply? I completely understand if that's not something you'd be comfortable doing at this stage."

That's a reasonable ask. It gives them a clear out ("not at this stage") and it doesn't pressure them. Most people who have had a good conversation and believe you're a strong candidate will say yes to this.

The referral playbook goes deeper on the mechanics of referrals, including what actually happens when someone refers you and how referrals affect your chances.

Building a Habit, Not a One-Off Strategy

The candidates who get the most out of coffee chats don't treat them as a desperate measure when the job search stalls. They treat them as a regular part of how they operate.

Having one or two conversations a week with people whose careers interest you compounds over time. You build a real network. You get better at the conversations. You learn more about the industry. And you create more surface area for opportunities to find you.

The networking guide for engineers covers how to think about building professional relationships systematically, including how to maintain them over time without it feeling like a chore.

The coffee chat is a small thing done well. It's low-risk to ask for and high-value when it happens. The candidates who take the job search seriously enough to have real conversations with people in the field before they apply are almost always better prepared and better connected than the ones who only ever send applications into the void.

If you want structured support with networking and the job search process, here's how the Globally Scoped program works.